Monday, April 5, 2010

first days home

our first week(ish) at home wasn't the best. in fact, on our first day home i told adam that we should have stayed at the hospital. let me rewind though...

we went in on march 15 (monday) with the understanding that we would be dismissed on thursday march 18. when they came in wednesday morning and asked us if we wanted to go home, i was all for it! so we began doing all of our discharge paperwork. we were in no hurry. i went ahead and showered and we slowly prepared for our trek to alvaton to begin our lives as a family of three.

as soon as we got bella in the car and drove off, i started crying and i didn't stop for days! as soon as we got home, bella started crying and didn't stop for hours that night. after a few hours of her crying, we realized we had to head back into bowling green to get some rubbing alcohol for her belly button. it was magical. as soon as we started driving, she stopped crying and went to sleep. our small group was meeting, so adam suggested calling to see if we could stop by and have them pray over us. we did and they did. bella continued to sleep, so our small group leaders suggested that we stay for the study. yes, we went to small group the day we were discharged from the hospital.

when we got home from small group, bella started crying again and didn't stop until 630 the next morning. it was so bad in the middle of the night that we sure did call the nursery at the hospital and ask them what they had done with her! they asked us stupid questions like "is she hungry or dirty?" like we hadn't tried those things!

the next night was better. she only cried from 7pm to 2am. that continued for her first 2 weeks of life. my crying slowed down before that. i cried every time someone called, every time i told adam that i loved him, almost every time that she cried for the first week and a half.

there were times in those first days that i told adam that i loved bella but didn't like her very much at that moment. there were times when i told him how thankful i was for our miracle girl but that i missed him and was sad that it would never be just the two of us again. before bella arrived, i judged mothers who gave up on breastfeeding after a week or two and i judged couples who took their baby to a babysitter after a week. now those things totally make sense to me. breastfeeding is HARD! it is stressful. how do you know if your baby is getting enough!? why does she latch on and then start screaming after 30 seconds of nursing? why does it hurt so bad!? and yes, i was ready to have alone time with my husband the day we brought her home. i never thought i'd consider getting a babysitter so early in her life. when my mom and dad were here last week, adam and i left bella for about an hour just to go to lowe's and it was such a great time!

we love our baby girl dearly. we are so thankful for her and can't believe what a miracle she is! we are, however, looking forward to her sleeping normal hours so we can go to sleep at the same time and get into a routine of being a couple again.

mothers, i'm i crazy or was it this way for you too? yet-to-be-mothers, do you look at mothers or couples that do these things and think "i would never do that!"?


sarahe said...

Big hugs to you! I really want to just comfort you right now! I don't know how this is (not have kids and all) but to be honest the whole process just terrifies me!I've heard enough of the realities of motherhood and breastfeeding and all that to know that all you can do is give yourself grace and trust that the Lord will take care of you little one, but I am sure that it is a very difficult thing to do! Let me know if I can do anything to help. If you need some formula for supplementing I can get you samples, if you need company on Friday I would love to come by and visit and bring you some treats. So much love to your little family!

Jenny Borders said...

oh emily, my heart aches for you right now. simply because i know EXACTLY what you are talking about. and it is SO HARD! those first few days/weeks/months (whatever it is for that particular person) can be one of the most challenging and humbling times of your life. i cried at every little thing for the first 3-4 weeks. i so often felt like i was clueless and what in the world did i get myself into. why did God think I could handle this? why was it so hard? everyone always talked about how wonderful it was, and i didn't experience that bliss. so i felt like a failure! thank you for being so REAL and transparent. i don't know what to say that would be helpful now. i have been there, the Lord upheld me, and it got better. and i can appreciate the fabulous days now I think a little better because of the hard days. i know how good it is, because i struggled so much. does that make sense?

know that you are perfectly equipped to be exactly the mom bella needs. you are not bad for wanting time to regain your sanity - and an hour at lowe's might be the perfect remedy. nursing is hard as crap, but WILL GET BETTER. you do what you have to do to take care of yourself, because that better enables you to care for bella.

ok, i should stop rambling now. i read this post on my phone, but i had to come comment because when i was struggling and feeling like a crappy mom, i thought it was just me. :)

you're absolutely great!!

sabrina said...

ohh i am so glad you are sharing what you are experiencing so early on! i have so many firends who are young moms and I think they all had a hard time at first, but bc they were so tired they never really shared like this. this is helpful to prepare those of us who havent been there... now maybe i wont feel like a failure when my kid wont stop crying too! haha!

i have totally judged- dont feel alone. its one of my biggest struggles- not judging others. i have never been there- how can i judge?? and yet my stupid sinful nature puffs right up.

and I think i will be the exact same way with time with Justin. i already struggle with wanting more time with him, much less when there is another human in the home! haha! but you guys are going to learn a routine that works for you and it will calm down- i have never been there but millions of other women have. if you need to drop the little bean off at my house for two hours to go grad some sanity let me know! Lord knows I need practice with tiny ones anyways, so it could be a win-win.

** and I would be willing to trade babysitting for more blog post's to read just like this!

emily jochim said...

you ladies are awesome and so so encouraging!! thanks for your sweet words. i will continue to be as real as possible. :)

Julie said...

Emily, I can't tell you how much I empathized with you when I read this blog! My little girl is 8 months old now, but I remember those first few weeks like they were yesterday. It was scary and joyous and exciting and horrifying all at once. We used to drive around every single night to get her to stop crying and go to sleep, and when I wasn't crying I felt like a zombie. It gets better. It gets so, so much better, and more quickly than you think right now! I'm saying a prayer for you guys!!

AshMill said...

My sister always tells Brayan she going to put him on Ebay or sell him to the gypsies when he's not cooperating. Perhaps you guys could work together and offer a two-for-one deal or something. :)